How is a man going to have sex with a woman, get her pregnant and then tell her that she can’t keep it? How’s that woman supposed to just get an abortion just because you say that you can’t afford the kid?
What should the woman do? Keep the child or get the abortion?
Dear Not Sure,
That is a question that only you can answer. All I can do is show you different options that I believe you should weigh out. And I am speaking to you through the eyes of a single parent who raises her children fulltime. Firstly, he cannot tell you what to do with your body however, you must be aware that if you choose to keep the child it is highly likely that you will have to bear the burden primarily on your own. He has laid his cards on the table and you would be foolish to think that he will change his mind once the baby is born, although that would be great.
Can you afford to have the child alone? Pampers, formula, clothing and childcare are very expensive and there’s no guarantee that you will receive any assistance from him or others. Taking care of a child is a mammoth task in itself. It will be you who will be waking up to do the feedings, comforting the child and doing it all alone. Are you mentally and physically prepared for that?
Let’s say you have the baby and he does not change his mind. Can you accept that your child will not have its father in his/her life?
I think that you have to sit down and have a hard look at the situation in its worst case scenario and be honest with yourself about whether or not you can handle it. Is so easy for people to say “Have the baby, everything will work out’, but at the end of the day it is you who will have to deal with everything if he sticks to his claim that he cannot afford it. And while you did not say that he said he would not be there, yes I am assuming that he doesn’t want the child because why else would he tell you get an abortion.
I have an aunt who is a recovering addict. In the past she had hit rock bottom but she eventually got clean and was for a number of years. Because she had a criminal record, she had a hard time finding work so I gave her a hustle by allowing her to clean my house and she did a great job.
Last summer, to my surprise, she had a relapse and ended up stealing items out of my grandmother’s home. I was very surprised because I thought she was doing so well. She went to rehab for a while and seems to doing well. She recently asked me if she could clean my house regularly again. I love my aunt but I no longer trust her because I am afraid that she will steal from me.
I have not told her this because I do not wish to hurt her feelings. I spoke to my grandmother and she said that she has forgiven her for last summer and that I should let it go. I want to, but I feel that if I do and she steals from me that will be the end of our relationship.
I really don’t know how to handle this without hurting her feelings.
WILL SHE STEAL
Dear Will She,
I understand how you feel and would probably feel the same if I was in your shoes. However, you need to find a way to let her know the truth. She has probably assumed that you thought that, anyway. Allow me to make a suggestion. Why don’t you allow her clean during the weekends and that way you are home at the same time? That way you can be there to keep an eye on things. You should be honest with her about your feelings and tell her your concern. Be real with her. She’d appreciate it.